The 4th Trimester

Bodhi Bear just turned 6 weeks old and to say I have figured anything out is actually comical. Here are 3 things I do feel comfortable sharing with you, struggles and successes.

For the first 3 months of a newborns life they need 3 basic things; first to feel safe, second to be fed, and third is sleep. To expect them to be excited about anything else will set a new mommy up for huge disappointment. Of course, they begin to see you, smile & coo, and respond but if their 3 basic needs are not met, enjoy a grouchy little bundle of joy tears.

• Feeling safe

As my precious 6 pound baby boy entered the world the excitement surrounding his arrival was overwhelming to say the least. I’m an almost 40 year old woman and I was overwhelmed, I can’t imagine how a baby can take in so many brand new feelings, sounds, smells, or images. There are times they won’t feel safe even though they are.

It took some time to tell myself, “MOM! Don’t feel guilty for taking your child from another family/non-family member to comfort them.” Obviously, I know these people are not going to cause harm but in my embrace is where ‘safe’ is to Bodhi and it makes sense. My baby has been wrapped up tight in my womb for 9 months. Bodhi feels safe with me; he knows my heartbeat, my voice, the food I eat, heck even my schedule. Him and I have established a level of trust which will carry him through his life and help him with his confidence in himself and in others. If I may advise, don’t break that trust with your own child. Don’t leave them to cry with others, not now mama, you be your babies safe place. In a few months, that’s a different story but not during the 4th trimester.

I firmly believe after 6 short weeks of being a mom, unless there is something wrong and crying is a sign of something more serious, they shouldn’t cry for too long. It should be manageable and a newborns’ cries should be calmed with a calm response.

* very important! Mom! Listen, if you feel like you’re about to break, want to hurt yourself or your baby, or just need to step away from your crying baby. DO NOT feel guilty for putting baby down in a safe place or with safe people to catch your breath. You’re doing a great job, give yourself grace when you need it.

• Feed me

In the womb Bodhi had a constant supply of food through the placenta and his life giving umbilical chord. Everything I ate nourished his tiny body. I literally grew him inside of me. Built him. It’s a true miracle but this miracle is still hungry. Feed him!

Ive heard stories from friends and read of some of your struggles: from problems latching, reflux, cluster feeding, and allergies. I’m not going to sit back and say it’s easy at all but I will share my experience.

Bodhi latched immediately and received many compliments from the nurses on duty his first few days of life in our hospital bed. He continues to be a great breastfeeding baby.

I personally struggle when I am around other people. I wish the struggle to stay “modest” and not offend people with my boobs would go flying out the window. But, there are times I try to cover up with wraps/blankets and these are some of my least favorite times to feed Bodhi, I feel awkward and he knows it.

Of course, nobody wants a baby to cry. Everyone wants to hold a peaceful sleeping or happy cooing baby. Well, Bodhi would be in that condition when I would hand him off to a doting family member. Eventually, he would fuss, they would say, “he’s hungry.” So I take him, try to feed him while arguing with my internal voice, he’s not hungry I just fed him. Then he’d scream with my boob still in his mouth. He wasn’t hungry, he just didn’t feel safe. Literally as Drake says, “I only love my bed and my momma I’m sorry.”

Other times, I would retrieve Bodhi from the arms of a loved one and apologize, I need to feed him. They would question me, “he just ate?” Realy?!? Did your breasts just turn into milky yard sprinklers (sorry for the disturbing mental image). Some days he would eat every 45 minutes other days every 3 hours but my body was so in tuned with his needs, always supplying what he needed. I have learned to trust my body and listen very closely to Bodhi. Basically, my full time job with overtime is offering a boob like 100 times a day.

Just a side note. Never be in a hurry when feeding your baby. First, they know when you’re anxious or distracted. Take 1 precious picture with your phone then put it down. These moments will go by too fast.

• For the love of God, let them SLEEP

During the 4th trimester it is normal for baby to sleep 16-20 hours a day. Factor in they need to be awake to eat (whenever they are hungry) that leaves very little time for others to interact with baby. Sleep is crucial for the baby’s cognitive development and happiness.

I would find myself getting upset with Danny because he has a need to kiss and touch a sleeping (Bodhi) Bear. I would jokingly tell him, don’t poke the bear but meant every word. I believe this time in Bodhi’s life will be the hardest for Danny (and other family) to not hate me. I guard him like a rabid dog while he sleeps. If my sweet sleeping angel gets woken up multiple times during the day, he turns into some kind of screeching creature once the night rolls around and then mom cries as much as Bodhi, this is no good for anyone.

I love that my husband loves his son, I couldn’t ask for more. I know this short season will fly by, Bodhi will soon become curious and want to explore, he will love his daddy so much. For now, like I said before… the only person I’m winning brownie points with is Bodhi.

I leave all this here with only love and respect through your journeys, to each their own. Trust your body, trust your gut, and love your new baby.

– Live, Love, Linda